100 Hugs

Today was a LONG day. I'll get to the 100 hugs in a bit. My parents joined us to ride to the church. Ruth wanted them to sit with us in the family area. Of course, with a family her size, the family area was pretty much most of the church. When we went down to the fellowship hall for lunch, I looked at the 5 rows tables (probably 24' of seating each) & thought, "But where will the non-family members sit?" We did all fit, by the way.

The service was very nice. It was not sorrowful or mournful. Tears that were shed were just from fond memories. The pastor shared some of his own memories, then shared what Phil had written. We sang, "Holy, Holy, Holy" and "It is Well" (Vicky, Phil's cousin, said after reading the story behind the song on my blog she couldn't sing out loud; sorry about that sweet Vicky!). At the end, we sang, "Shall we gather at the River" because Ruth said that Bill loved the old Baptist hymns, especially when Tennessee Ernie Ford sang them. We probably didn't sound like him, but we did sing it!

The Scriptures reminded us that death has been swallowed up in victory through Jesus' death on the cross! And that one day He will wipe away our tears.

Phil's cousin (his cousin Pam's daughter) Whitney sang "The Prayer" by Josh Groban and it was beautiful. This 14 year old girl sounds like a professional singer!

The church ladies (yes, the "church ladies" look the same and are just as sweet and busy workers at all churches, I think!) made lunch for us. They had sandwiches, chips, veggies, fruit, and a ton of sweets. I quietly slipped into the kitchen to see if any of the sandwich filling was left that I might have. I was just going to ask & when they said "no" slip back out, but then they were all trying to fix me up with something, and one had a friend with celiac, so she asked, "What is it exactly that you can't eat?" I usually just say, "I can't eat bread" or "I'm allergic to wheat" but this lady caught on when the others said to scrape off the inside of the sandwich & I said I can't do that. I told them not to worry because I was certainly not going to go hungry with all the food they had out and here at the house!

After all the hugs and, "Are you THE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW?" (which I was beginning to think might be a bad word the way they asked!) and "Are the girls twins?" (if only I had a dime for every time we get asked that---and a dollar for the look on their faces when I tell them they are 2.5 years apart!), we were able to eat, then load up the van & head home. Several friends and family came back to the house, with more food! We visited and visited some more, looked at albums trying to figure out who everyone was, and then ate some of that delicious food. Oh, the girls also sold several boxes of Girl Scout cookies that we brought with us! One of Phil's cousins has a daughter who is about 7 mos. older than Bethany (but about a head or more taller). The 3 girls played outside for a bit, then I suggested they go for a walk. I wouldn't send my own girls on a walk out here alone, but Kayla seems so much older that I felt okay with the 3 of them going out.

About 8 or so, the last of the family had to leave. The girls are in pj's watching a movie with Grandma. One or both of them will sleep with her tonight. I think we will ALL sleep well tonight! I can hear Ruth laughing at whatever they are watching. I think she'll enjoy her time with them more than she was able to these past few months.

We still will have one more service to bury the ashes at Ft. Sam Houston in San Antonio. That date has not been set yet. Maybe that will be on a weekend and some of the ones who couldn't come will be able to.

Now to those 100 hugs. I've mentioned that Ruth has a big family. She had 7 brothers, and all of them had kids. I lost count trying to figure out how many. Phil is the only ONLY CHILD, and a couple of the brothers had 4 or 5 kids. And they've had kids. And some of those kids have kids. Then, there is my family that extends beyond the "inlaw" part. My sister-in-law's (Robin's) parents and her brother and wife, my inlaws, and my family have had Thanksgiving together for years now. One year we had 4 grandmothers (3 of them great grandmothers) with us early in our marriage. Of course now the moms are grandmas. Bottom line is we are all just one big family. So today Robin's parents came, too. And all kinds of cousins & friends on Bill's side, and lots of church & neighbor friends. Natalie was next to me in what became the receiving line. Bethany was kind of hiding behind her. We got hugged, and hugged, and hugged some more. Natalie is a very touchy girl (in more ways than one!) so I think for awhile she enjoyed it. Apparently at some point, however, her attitude must have changed. She came to me tonight & said, "Mommy, I think I've had 100 hugs today." She told Phil, "Daddy, I've hugged so many people today. I don't think I can hug anymore." They were both troopers (apart from the occasional "I'm bored" or "I'm hungry") these past few days. Natalie has been anxious to sell more cookies, so I told her she could bring them out and the neighbor and uncles bought up a bunch. Now we need to find the list and go door to door tomorrow.

The 3 of us will head back tomorrow so we can go to a dr's appt. on Thursday. Then we have a cookie booth on Friday. We'll come back on Sunday, hopefully in time for a cookie booth we have at 2.

Thanks again for all the prayers and words of encouragement. I'm sure for Ruth the next few weeks will be difficult as all the family is gone. Though, tonight she talked about joining her brother & sister-in-law on a trip to Germany later this year! I think that is a sign that we will all move on for the years we have left on this earth.

Have a restful night.

Casseroles, etc.

I think meals taken to grieving families should be called casseroles, etc. The other day one of the girls asked me, "Do people still take casseroles to you when someone dies? In the Molly movie, they said that's all people took." So, when we got to Grandma's we asked. Someone had brought a casserole. But, in reality, people have brought food that really spoke from the heart. A platter of lunch meat and cheeses with some fresh bread; lasagna; eggplant spaghetti sauce and noodles (and I love this woman---she put the noodles SEPARATE so I was able to cook my own noodles & eat some of the food!). One lady brought salad for us, plus oreos (the girls were thrilled since I won't buy them anymore as they WERE my favorite cookies, back before celiac disease), and DARK chocolate M&M's, and some other snacking food. She said, "I thought the girls might like something to nibble on." Then tonight Uncle Harold & Aunt JoAnn (Ruth's next younger brother by 18 mos.--she is one of 8 children & the only girl!) brought venison summer sausage (Kathy, you know how happy THAT made Phil! He told Harold, "You're my hero!") and fresh vegetables from his garden!

We have done more than just eat today (or yesterday now that I'm up past midnight again). Natalie & I finished assembling scrapbook pages and a large display with 6 of the pages. It's just pictures & some embellishments (pretty stuff on the page) now, but I'll add writing later. We attempted to get some accompaniment music on a CD for Phil's cousin's daughter to sing with at the service, but it just wouldn't burn on a cd. Another one of his cousins (did I mention that all 8 of those kids had kids, who've had kids, and some of THEM have had kids) also has a teenage daughter who will sing a song called, "The Prayer" by Josh Groban at the service.

The phone has rung off the hook. At times Ruth would be on her cell phone and the landline would ring. I told her I was waiting for the moment when we all 3 had our cell phones in use & her home phone would ring! She was up at 4 a.m. crying & never went back to sleep. I am praying for her to sleep better tonight. Tomorrow will be a long day. I think with no body there it might be a more cheerful service; a true memorial service.

Phil has written some fond memories of Bill and let me play editor. He will not read it at the service (even if this were NOT a memorial service, he wouldn't read in front of a crowd). The pastor will do that.

Now I'm off to try to get a good night's sleep. Please remember to pray for all of us in the morning.

We love you & thank you for all your prayers, notes, and encouragement.

A few pictures to share

Just some pictures I thought you might like:

Service

The memorial service will be on Tuesday the 5th at 11:00 a.m.
St. Peter's Lutheran Church
1803 Hwy 1431
Marble Falls TX 78654

No flowers, please. Donations can be made to the church.

Groundhog Day

Do any of you remember the movie "Groundhog Day?" I never saw the movie but I know the premise from several other take-off movies. The idea is that a man wakes up, goes through his day, goes to bed and wakes up again----and it is the same day all over again. In the versions I've seen, by the end the person has figured it out and gets to change things about the day.

I thought of that since yesterday (I guess at 12:30 a.m. I have to officially switch dates) was a day we would have liked to have changed. We would have liked to wake up and realize that the night before was a bad dream. We would have liked to have heard Bill's voice. We would have liked to see him puttering around as he liked to do, or playing dominoes at the computer, or watching yet another old cowboy movie. But, unlike the movie, this is real life. We don't get to "do over" the day.

This is where I find the grace of God so amazing. We don't get to do the same day over & over, but we DO get a chance at "do-overs" each new day we wake up. In His Word, we read:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3: 22-23

We don't know when our last day will be. We never know when we will breathe our last breath. If you could have a "do-over" what would you do? Is there something you can do tomorrow to make a relationship right? To mend a hurt? To remind someone that you love them?

The greatest hope that we hold through our loss of Bill here on this earth is that because of God's great love, He sent His only Son to die for us, so that when we die, we will not die for all eternity but live, IF we have accepted that gift He has for us. We trust that because Bill confessed Jesus as His Lord, he is now in the presence of the Lord in a new body full of health. And we cling to the fact that we will see him again.

Our hearts will ache, and we will grieve. We've shed so many tears these past 3 weeks, and yet, we always find that there are more just waiting to fall out. Today Bethany asked (though she said she didn't expect me to answer), "Why didn't God do a miracle for Pop Bill?" I don't know why. I know that he has rescued Pop Bill from his very sick body, but why God chose eternal, ultimate healing now, I don't know. Bethany had to write on a form 2 questions she would ask God. That was one of them. Maybe we'll ask Him together. She then has asked, "What if he really wasn't dead & he is buried, then he wakes up?" I tried to explain the medical tools (which fascinate her, and lead to an experiment to find our pulse rate!), but it hurts to know she is wondering these things. She isn't crying, just asking questions. Since the girls were with my parents, they told the girls this morning. Natalie wanted to sit with us part of the time we were discussing arrangements & such.

Our hearts will also be comforted. Natalie & I are working on something for Grandma (shhhhhhh! It's a surprise, though she already saw part of it & didn't know it was for her). Bethany is offering advice, "When Grandma feels sad, she needs to eat something. When I'm crying and I eat something, I don't cry anymore."

I think most who would need to know info on arrangements may have been contacted already. In case you haven't, we don't have a definite date or time yet. It's hard to arrange when you have a family as big as Ruth's! Probably Tuesday or Wednesday. It will be at their church, St. Peter's Lutheran in Marble Falls. Here is a link the church with the address: http://www.splcmf.org/ There will not be a viewing, as Bill's body will be cremated.

By tomorrow I should have more details and will let you know.

Please pray that we will all rest well these next few days.

Home at Last

Bill is now in his final Home. We got to the hospital about 7:40. His breathing rate was extremely rapid. They started morphine, and switched from ventilator to oxygen tube (because of the high breathing rate) around 8:00. Just minutes after 10:00 pm he took his last breath. Phil & I were both there. Ruth had gone to the hotel after saying goodbye to her husband for 53 years. It was very difficult for us, but I know that by the grace of God, we will make it through this.

I have no information about funeral time, etc. yet. I have only slept about 4 or maybe 5 hrs. since yesterday, then drove home. After a nap, I might be more coherent & might have more details on the service. The girls & I will go up tomorrow.

Just as a gentle thought to all of you who might attend the service: we have learned that people grieve in different ways, and need different things at this time. For Ruth, I think she will need the support of lots of people. For Phil, he will need "space" and time alone. I would like to ask that if he seems to not want to visit with people that you would graciously allow him that "space." I will probably just need a big box of tissues and a bigger dose of patience with the girls!

We love you and thank you so much for your prayers!

Bill is not going to make it

Phil & I are packing to go to Temple. THe doctor called Phil & said his dad isn't going to make it.

Please pray.