When is THIS Mom's retreat?

I'm ready for a retreat. Not a church retreat or a ladies retreat. Just a single, solitary retreat somewhere without an oven or dishwasher, where gluten free food is catered right to my door and dishes are promptly carried off to wash somewhere else, and there are NO kids, NO washing machines, NO shopping that HAS to be done, NO bills to pay (or figure out HOW to pay), NO kids, did I mention NO KIDS??? And there will be a large whirlpool tub awaiting my arrival. And chocolates on my pillow. And a lovely table area for me to do some crafts just for fun! And ample time to work on my Bible Study. And no kids. Then, I'd like to return to a clean house, doubled in size, where I can actually PUT things away (it's quite difficult to put things away when there is no space). AND I'd like to find cheerful children who are grateful for all they have and don't complain or whine or scream over something as simple as taking a bath (heaven forbid we should ask them to bathe 2 nights in a row). Then, I'd like to open my checkbook, and freely write checks to pay every bill early and have plenty left over to give to many people in need.

Really, is this asking too much?